I said this to a group of girls standing on a porch overlooking a charming street in Sewickley, PA. I was clutching a plastic flute of sparkling grape juice and toasting my friend Lydia on her 20th birthday.I was twenty two at the time, and filled with an overwhelming sense that our lives were about to start. I continued:
"You'll graduate, get a job, maybe fall in love, maybe even become a mom.... It's the roaring twenties, Lyd, so go roar. "
We swallowed the grape juice in one sip, and congratulated our beautiful friend on the day of her birth. I remember that night and that toast with particular clarity, because the words I spoke echo in my head from time to time.
"This is when your life happens to you"
Now I am standing on the threshold of my 25th year of life, and my journey through this decade had been a bumpy ride.So far, not a single thing that I have planned has worked out the way I thought it would. I guess I have always known that we do not control our own destiny, and God has our lives in his hands, but God has REALLY enjoyed showing that to me these past four years. I have never been one to feel the need to control every situation, or over-plan, in fact I pride myself in thinking I'm a go-with-the-flow type of girl. However, God has continuously pushed me (sometimes kicking and screaming) to the end of my comfort zone. These tough times have lead to tears, long, exhausting conversations with people that are dear to my heart( bless them), and a lot of staring at the ceiling in melodramatic desperation while I over-think my life events (sometimes on a daily basis)
I have to keep reminding myself that I am not writing my life story, God is. I recently read a book by Donald Miller called A Million Miles in a Thousand Years.(Look at it on amazon here) It's a great book about God and life and terrifying young-adulthood. one particular quote stuck with me:
This book was a long-overdue light bulb moment for me. No wonder I cry sometimes when I'm having a bad day... I'm too afraid to live life. Sure everything could work out perfectly... but given the choice between stories, I'd rather be in a New York Times Best Seller with some plot than in a boring crap-novel where nothing happens...ever. I love books too much. My own story can't be a lame one that no one wants to hear about. I have lived a hilarious/eventful/challenging (and sometimes painfully vanilla) quarter century thus far, and I wanted to write some of it down. I want to make people smile, laugh, and think. I also hope that some of you fellow twenty-somethings might read things that I write and feel some solidarity or reassurance during this terrifying new life chapter we're sharing entitled " Holy Crap I'm a Freakin' Grown-Up". I don't see myself as a gifted writer, nor do I think that anyone really wants to read anything I have to say. However, every once in a while, after I finish a spectacular book or experience something hilarious or amazing, my head fills with a rush and a swirl of interesting or reflective thoughts worth sharing or recording at the very least. During these episodes, I feel the overwhelming urge to talk to someone about it. So instead of my usual habit of forcing a loved one into a drive-by/unexpected deep discussion about life... lets try writing? Writing is a little out of my comfort zone, but then again, in a person's life story...so is everything else that's worth it.“I've wondered, though, if one of the reasons we fail to acknowledge the brilliance of life is because we don't want the responsibility inherent in the acknowledgment. We don't want to be characters in a story because characters have to move and breathe and face conflict with courage. And if life isn't remarkable, then we don't have to do any of that; we can be unwilling victims instead of grateful participants...Fear is a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life.”
